hmm, quite long i was here last. suddenly i realised that i've become cynical and sarcastic lately, with the exponentially increasing level. and it's not just about crappy stuff. but somehow, i don't feel negative about it. i don't think it's a bad thing. weird huh. maybe certain things happened that made me like this. and since i don't think it's bad, i'm not blaming anything/anyone.

no complacency. no complacency. no complacency.

feel like i've been taken for granted lately. not anyone's fault. my fault.

hope things go well over there. really. im praying hard, even though i'm a free-thinker. i can't help but think that there is someone up there, be it God or Budha or anyone, who listens to me.

i've been very pessimistic about people lately, not my friends, but strangers, and draw very overgeneralized conclusions. but i can't help it. i just focus on people's flaws, and cling on to those to hate them, to discriminate against them, to anti them, even to disgust them. what's wrong with me? this is definitely not a growing up problem, or is it?

being a global citizen sucks, big time. this is like the axiom that i forged out of my so-called scholar life for more than 3 years. it's like you are on your own. you have no anchor. even your family sometimes also seems so far away. they won't be able to fully understand your situation. friends? oh, the best part ever. you get to know somebody, open up to them, bond growing, enjoying your fantasy life. then boom. 4 years later, you find yourself packing again, moving to somewhere else. and all those people who believe in long distant friendship? BULLSHIT! no matter how strong the relationship is, nothing can compensate face to face talks. so yup, call me stupid. call me mental. call me crazy. call me whatever you want. i'm just so over it.

see? see what i meant? welcome to the new me! -.-"